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On Friday, 22 Jan 2021, our dear Chris died.
I am desperately heartbroken–for Chris, for our sweet Ruby, for all his family, friends, and colleagues that loved him so deeply. The incredible outpour of love for him is a testament to what an incredible man he was and how many lives he touched.
I’m so grateful that we brought Ruby into the world together. To say that Chris was an incredible father to her is a serious understatement. He was the kind of dad that made other moms wonder how I got so lucky. He was the kind of dad that made other dads a little annoyed because he was making them look bad. He did it ALL and he was her all. When I went to Italy for a solo trip, he took Ruby to a music festival where they camped for 4 days in the rain. I am *not* about that life, but he did with her all of the things I couldn’t or wouldn’t or didn’t know how to do and he did it with the utmost enthusiasm and dedication. He and Ruby were best buddies and she was definitely one of the great loves of his life–if not the greatest. I was so looking forward to all the things he would continue to teach her that I haven’t a clue about. She is built Venn tough because of him.
He had a green thumb and we were always eating off of their harvest. Ruby loved when he made rhubarb crumble with her from the rhubarb they grew. She loved when the spinach they planted was in our smoothies. We ate the potatoes and carrots and kale and herbs and strawberries and tomatoes that they planted and tended and grew together. I would often look out of the kitchen window at them together in the garden and think “Whew! Thank goodness he’s teaching her that shit!” I couldn’t imagine a better teammate in raising our brilliant baby.
Chris loved his rugby–playing, coaching, watching, and *especially* teaching Ruby. They often went to the pub together to watch games and he coached her on Sunday mornings. They had sooooo much fun together. I hope that his legacy lives on through Ruby. In rugby and in work, Chris was adored and respected and admired immensely. Everyone that played with him, was coached by him, worked with or for him always expressed that they are better people for having known Chris Venn. He was dedicated and disciplined and hyper-focused on doing the best–not to be the best, but to leave people, places, and things better than he found them.
Chris taught Ruby about the circle of life and explained that when people and animals and plants die, they return to the earth and are rebirthed as something new. Because we’ve raised her to respect the planet, this explanation resonated with her–she realized that she had to take care of the planet so it was healthy enough to continually give life.
I built up the courage to tell her that he died due to an illness in his brain two days after it happened. I reminded her that daddy may return in some form, but no matter what, she will have his love forever in her heart. Lucky for us, she’ll also have his dimples. She cried hard and it was heartbreaking. Utterly gut-wrenching. Then, without a word, she climbed down from my mom’s bed, walked silently upstairs to my room, opened a photo album and asked for a pen. She then drew hearts next to all the photos of her dad ♥️ It was stunning. I don’t know what’s going on in that little head, but I will continue to fiercely protect it.
I pray to the universe for Chris’ soul and pray that he is at peace. I hope that heaven is real and that he’s there, seeing his parents again. I pray for peace for all who loved him and are shaken in this distressing time. I pray that he can watch over Ruby, and I hope he’ll be proud of the woman I raise her to be. I hope he sends me calming and encouraging messages when I’m exhausted or frustrated. I hope more of his mellow temperament starts coming out in Ruby!
One thing we can hold on to is that we still have one of the best parts of Chris–Ruby.
Thank you for the beautiful messages of love and support. When arrangements are made, I will communicate them here. A global crisis certainly throws a little extra spice in the mix. And here I thought the #bussitchallenge had saved us from the devastation of 2020.
If you knew and loved Chris, I have a request: please print your favorite photo(s) you have of him and on the back, write memories, words about the kind of man he was, what you loved about him, how much he loved Ruby… anything that will help keep his spirit alive in our little girl. If you don’t have photos, a letter or card will suffice. I’d like you to mail it to Ruby so that she knows all your stories about Chris and how loved he was. If you know my parents’ home address in the US, please send there.
If not, please email Jaime: jaime@jaimecrandle.com.
If you have any videos of Chris that you’d like Jaime/Ruby to have, please upload them here.
